During this hospital admission I am lucky to have an old friend in at the same time. He also has CF and we have known each other since I was 11 years old! Almost 16 years! Goodness! I am grateful to be able to catch up with him as I have lost many of the friends I grew up with, CF taking them away from me way too soon. Tonight we have a had a great talk about growing up, spending time in hospitals and the effect that it has had on us.
We had a good laugh tonight thinking about the night that we had pinched a few 50ml syringes and had a midnight water fight! We got water everywhere, beds were soaked, blinds were sopping wet, the floor slippery and probably quite dangerous but we had an absolute blast. We were all laughing so much that one of the boys had a massive coughing fit and ended up vomiting from all the excitement. The nurses then worked out what was going on and boy, did we get into trouble! We were sent to bed early the following night as punishment but we went with a smile on our faces, for sure! We had a good giggle until we realised that we were the only two left out of the six kids there that night. It is so ironic that in a place where you could pretty much smell the fear when you walked in the door, I have some of my fondest memories. The joy of a children’s hospital is that we were all children and we had the ability to make the most boring or even frightening situation into something that helped put a smile on our faces.
I can think of many times when laughter really was the best medicine but I also remember some upsetting times that make it hard for me to return to that hospital, or for me even to remember them. The thing with having Chronic Illness and spending time in hospital is that at a very young age death becomes a topic of conversation. We often changed the subject very quickly but it lingered sometimes making for a very quiet lunch time. If one of our friends came in and they were put into a single room, we knew it wasn’t good. As I got older, I would try to comfort the younger ones as much as possible or I would do something to make them smile, distract them from their thoughts for the moment.
I had the pleasure of knowing some really wonderful kids. I noticed that a lot of these kids had so much personality. Despite spending most of their lives in hospital they were up beat, cheeky and so funny. Sometimes I would laugh so much my tummy hurt! You quickly became friends with your room mates and while there would be the odd tiff, the silence never lasted long! Some of these kids came from a long way away, which is even further away in a child’s eyes. I saw how hard it was for parents to leave their precious children behind, telling themselves it was for the best, praying that they would be cared for and treated with tenderness. I have no idea what it would be like for a parent to have to leave your child behind, life doesn’t pause because you have a child in hospital. I could see it tore their hearts out. For a while I was the eldest female patient in the ward and I became a big sister to some of the young girls who’s parents lived so far away they might not see their child for weeks. I regularly woke up with a little one in my bed, wanting a cuddle, someone to tell them it was going to be okay. Someone to love them. I did the best I could and really, I came to love some of these kids. I was often being asked by the nurses to help bath them as they wouldn’t cooperate with nursing staff, they wanted one of their own. You became family pretty quickly. That is the best of the situation. One of the worst experiences I had was going to the funeral of one of “my girls”, it was the first and last CF funeral I went to. She was only 10. It was way too much for me to cope with at only 15 years old.
Growing up in hospital has helped shape the person that I am today. I could to talk to a wall. I have very good communication skills. I make friends easily. I am able to be on my own. I can stand up for myself. I have learnt to entertain myself. If you are reading this while thinking of the child that you have to leave in the care of hospital staff, I can only say one thing about children and that is that they are resilient. If you let them, they will learn to find the fun in anything. Yes, they will be exposed to pain and sadness, that is the nature of illness and you cannot prevent that. However, as long as they know that they have a family who loves them completely as well as the opportunity to talk about their experiences, good and bad, then they will be OK. And that is all you can hope for.
All the best, Lily
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
I am glad you have had a friend there…. That makes time go by…
Lily this is a truely beautiful article. On behalf of all parents with little ones in hospital,
Thank you.
Lily, you just brought a gush of memories through the floodgates. I too was often the eldest C.F’er and there were two little girls in particular that I ‘looked after’. The elder sister passed away in 1994 and the other was transplanted a few years ago. I remember putting them to bed, reading them stories, listen to their pain and try to soothe them.
There are a lot of situations like that which spring to mind, but one of the most vivid is when I helped nurse a dying friend in Adelaide Billing when I was eleven. There’s no way that that would be allowed to happen now, but I wouldn’t change anything about it.
I loved spending time with the girls – and the boys – and I would also feed and bathe babies out in the general ward who were in hospital for varying reasons. There is one baby I remember so, so well. I would just hold him, cuddle him and play with him. If he fell asleep in my arms, I would just watch him sleeping and the cycle of his breathing. I’d put him back in his cot and return to him for a cuddle when he woke up. I’d do almost anything to know who he is because he gave me such joy. Thank you so much for this post 🙂