As I have said before it can be really hard when you are living with illness or injury to look to the future, especially when your future may look rather bleak. Living with chronic illness on a long term scale means that you are often just trying to get through today. When you are living with pain and the uncertainty of illness it is very easy to let go of your goals for the future because it can be heart breaking to make plans or try to achieve things only to have your health ruin everything. This has happened to me many times and after I while I decided (mostly unconsciously) to not make plans anymore. I felt that it wasn’t going to happen – something health related would ruin it. And so I lived day to day, just surviving. I was not living, I was merely EXISITNG.
After getting an attitude adjustment (thanks Mum!) I wanted to get back into life again. I had been locked away (or so it felt like) for so long I didn’t have a clue where to start so I looked at what I wanted to achieve. After some thought I decided that I wanted to start by feeling good about myself again (especially about my appearance, I looked sick!!) and get back some friendship in my life. Being so sick did two things for my friendships and social life. Firstly, it made me realise the friends that made me feel positive when they were around and the “friends” who made me feel horrible and were only concerned about themselves not matter what I was going through. The second thing was that I had no social life. I didn’t go anywhere or do anything.
So that was my starting point. I made some goals for myself. The first was to improve my self-care. I was religious with taking medications and treatments but I had gone from taking pride in my appearance to barely brushing my hair. So I set myself little goals like getting a haircut, an eyebrow wax and a lash tint, spend half an hour in the sun each day, start taking little walks, groom daily and so on. These things may not seem huge but to someone who’s self-confidence and spirit have hit rock bottom, they were enormous tasks. The second was to start getting back out there in terms of friendships and socialising. I started to call people who had stayed with me through thick and thin asking if they wanted to go out, have dinner, see a movie. The second thing I did was join Facebook. I started as a Facebook sceptic but soon I was in contact with school friends that I hadn’t heard from in years. I regularly took the time to make a connection with people and soon I was out and about doing things with friends. I felt like I was starting again in the friendship stakes and where as in the past I would have glossed over what had happened or was happening health wise, this time I told the truth. I had gone through a rough patch but I was feeling much better and happy to be out and about. I didn’t go into detail unless they asked but I felt by being upfront with what was going on in my life I was creating more honest friendships than I had before I got really sick. Soon I had a spring in my step and a smile on my face.
Making those small goals for myself really put me out of my comfort zone but once I started to see results it just snowballed. I felt like a new person, I felt alive again and in contact with the world. I began to feel like I could achieve anything if I just started with small baby steps.
Going from a girl who could barely get out of bed to someone who now felt confident in her appearance and her ability to make new friends was a very empowering thing. And through it all I actually became more accepting of myself. I was doing the best I could with what I had to work with. I was not going to have a “normal” life but I was going to have the best life that I could have regardless. That is the motto that I now live by and I am enjoying my life more now than ever before!
What small steps could you take to achieve those little goals you have in the back of your mind? As you can see, it does not take gigantic measures to achieve things that can really make a difference in your life – small steps, looking back at what you have achieved and a smile are all you need!
All the best, Lily
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